"Green", "Heskey", "ITV" and "Shit" see Usage Increase

In a recent study it was found that since 7:30PM last night the words "Green", "Heskey", "ITV" and "a stinking pile of useless shite" have seen a usage increase among the British public of 900%.

The opening goal.

The study taken from recorded telephone conversations and CCTV microphones also took into account the emotional quality of each utterance of the keywords. It found that whilst over 55% of them were said in annoyance, a significant 45% were said with colossal amounts of glee and satisfaction in Scottish and Welsh accents.

Professor Paul Jackson who headed the study said: "It's a classic case of English pessimism meeting Scottish and Welsh racism - all rather normal behaviour except that this weekend it's increased almost ten fold.

"We have seen a peak of the keywords' mention and expect a fall to now commence throughout the week. However, we predict a huge increase will conclude on Friday between 7:30 and 9:30PM.

"If it continues on this scale we could see words like 'Heskey', 'useless' and 'tosser' overtake words like 'the',  'a' and 'omg'."

ITV's mention coincides with what has been described as "the biggest TV fuck up since Heil Honey I'm Home!" - the loss of broadcast on ITV's new "brighter" HD channel when Steven Gerrard scored the first, four minute goal.

Football fan Billy Norman commented, "I could not believe it. When you thought ITV could not get any shitter, they go and put a fucking advert when England's first 2010 World Cup goal is scored.

"Seriously, can you make a bigger mistake? Is it possible to have a TV network any worse than ITV? I'd rather see BabeStation win the rights for the next World Cup."

According to Jackson, comments like these continued in pubs and bars across England after the game had finished and all the way through James Corden's post-match show Look How Many Famous Gits I Hang out With in which "fat" also saw a frequency spike.