MPs Defend Themselves with Ancient Text

Four MPs who face charges under the Theft Act 1968 for expense scandals have claimed that they are untouchable by the law because of a piece of ancient legislation found in a dusty old book that no one has read since 1343.

The law, is the law.

Many say that the law is being taken out of context by said MPs and extrapolated beyond its intended function; to prevent members of Parliament being sued for comments they make in the House of Commons.

However, one of the accused David Chaytor, MP for Bury North, argues differently, "Parliamentary privilege does exactly what it says on the tin. It gives those in Parliament, privilege. Privilege to get away with outrageous things that you proletariat wouldn't.

"Basically, I have a licence to do whatever the bloody hell I like," he added.

The age of the law has also given rise to discussion on whether it should be considered active in the twenty-first century. Again, the MPs do not see this as a problem.

Elliot Morley said, "Law is law and that's that. Especially when it's a law that helps me worm my way out of the criminal act of taking £30,000 of the public's money for a mortgage that doesn't even exist.

"In fact, my lawyer has said he may have found a tablet carbon dated from 350,000BC which allows Neanderthals like myself to take whatever they want, whenever they want and for whatever purpose. Why? Because I consider myself higher up the food chain. I am the pack leader so I deserve your meat if I want it!"

Mr. Morley then started daydreaming, presumably about getting off the hook, before commenting, "Mmm...theft, delicious theft."