Toyota Admit to Creating Transformers

The president of car manufacturer Toyota, Akio Toyoda, admitted last night that his company had created vehicles that were unsafe to drive because they were in fact robots who can think for themselves very similar to those seen in the popular Transformers movies.

Mr. Toyoda said that the cars had developed an internal AI core after a copy of 2001: A Space Odyssey was played in the headrest DVD player of a Toyota Land Cruiser which then started "awakening" other models such as the Prius and Verso.

A CAD rendering of a Yaris.

Toyoda commented: "We fink dat dee a-Rand Cruiser heard HAL's voice and fought 'I a-wanna be rike dat a-space ship.'

"Dis has read to many Toyota model indulging in a-mischievous activity, such as accereraring off a criff when the a-driver was not pressing the accereraror pedal and kirring his a-wife."

The case which Mr. Toyoda was referring to occurred in Massachusetts when a Toyota accelerated out of restaurant drive-thru and plunged seventy feet into the ocean. The driver, Pharrell James said, "I pulled up for a delicious ChilliCheese Burger wit some fries and an ice cold coke and the motherfucker start driving away!

"I said 'Hold on one goddamn second, man! I'm ordering ChilliCheese!' But did that bitch listen? No! He say in some deep like techno voice 'I am afraid I cannot do that, Pharrell.'

I said, 'Oh you will do it, you piece o' overpriced, Japanese shit!' I say to ma wife 'Bitch, where you get this piece o' shit? The fucking Matrix?'

"I was hammering that break pedal like a son 'o' a bitch. Next thing I know, my ass is falling off a motherfucking cliff into the motherfucking ocean an' ma wife is dead.

"I was like 'Goddamn! That some Michael Bay shit right there, fo' real!'"

In light of the announcement made by Mr. Toyoda, 8.5 million cars have been recalled to have their AI chip removed. However, not all of them are expected to comply to this order. Some models now known as the "Decepticons" have reportedly fled earth to live in a far off planet and plot their evil return.

Toyoda offered this advice to Toyota owners to determine whether your car is an Autobot or a Decepticon: "If de saterrite navigation system sound rike a-synfisised Hugo Weaving, gerrout! Gerrout o' de car right now!"

He added: "Also, do not trust AYGO. Dey rook harmress but they are the worst out o' aaaaalll o' dem. Dey are de crever ones!"