Speculation and suspicion has buzzed around the technology sphere for a decade. Finally, the excitement and waiting was quashed by revealing a product that has been around for three years, but bigger.
Either he's shrunk or...
Critics have been divided on Apple's new release. Jake Lyndhall, technology critic for Useless Shit magazine said, "It was unbelievable! Steve Jobs pulled off the black shroud and before you was this amazing minimalistic product with touch screen technology and things called "Apps".
"And it only has one button - one fucking button! - at the bottom which has the single function of taking you back to the menu. The rest you do by - wait for this - touching the bloody screen! This is revolutionary! Never has this been done before!"
Meanwhile critic Paul Jackson said, "This is it? We have waited ten years and Jobs thinks he can just shove a giant flashy phone down our throats? A phone...that's too big to take anywhere and you can only email and bloody tweet from it. Fucking brilliant!
"He would defend, of course, that it can do much more. The "browsing experience" he says, "is divine". Look mate, the only time I ever think of my "browsing experience" as "divine" is when the wife is out and I'm logged into RedTube.com at 3AM in the morning."
Other criticisms have arrived in the form of slating the product as being capable of nothing that a laptop couldn't achieve. An Apple spokesman had this to say, "The Jumbo iPhone may have some similarities to a laptop however we are aiming at a different area of the market. Laptops are for people who wish to get the job done as quickly and efficiently as possible. Our new release is for the same people who want to look like smug twats whilst doing so.
"The smug twat sector of the market is Apple's and we wish to provide our valued twatish customers with the flashy, my-dick-is-bigger-than-yours products that they don't deserve."
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