Daily Mail Readers Go Mental due to Kick-Ass

Thousands of Daily Mail readers across the country have gone absolutely bat-shit insane because a good movie was a lot of fun.

Paedo inducing, apparently.

The movie, Kick-Ass, has been applauded by critics and people with a sense of humour, all around the world. However, the Daily Mail continues to spout its self-righteous, censorship admiring, big brother donkey shite by trashing Matthew Vaughn's new action comedy.

Daily Mail subscriber Barry Strongbeard said, "This movie is absolutely disgusting! It has a little girl in it who swears and kills people. Children will see that and their fragile little minds will be completely affected.

"You see, what you have to understand is that children and young teenagers are stupid, they think fictitious movies are real. They actually think it is happening! They will think Kick-Ass is what they should be like and it will turn them all into little Jon Venables.

"Jon! Venables! Can you imagine every child being like him?! We'd have to execute an entire generation!"

Another reader of the tabloid paper Mary Moanypants commented, "I haven't seen the movie but I just know that it should be banned. I know what is best for other people and that is for them not to see such a horrifically violent movie that claims to be 'a comedy'. Violence is never fun!

"Unless it's inflicted upon Jon Venables," she added.

"Also, she used the word 'cunt' in the movie. The word cunt should be banned as well because cunt is an utterly vulgar word, no one should ever use the word cunt...unless it's to Jon Venables. The cunt!"

The younger demographic are not the only ones infuriated either. Victor Granger, aged 78 from Grimsby said, "Well Daily Mail critic Christopher Tookey, said about the little girl in the motion picture, he said that, 'paedophiles are going to adore her'.

"He said that the film is 'exploitative' towards young women because the little girl is dressed in a school uniform at one point. I said to myself, 'I agree, that's disgusting,' and then turned to page three and got some wrist action in."

Meanwhile, Dave Warrington from Somerset has set up the protest group SOS (Save Our Sexuality). He feels strongly that Kick-Ass should be banned "because I have a superhero fetish and think it is absolutely repulsive that I might find myself attracted to a 14 year old girl."

Professor Paul Jackson, head of media studies at the University of Stratton had this to say: "The people who read the Mail think that when they step outside their front door there is a 94% chance that they'll get stabbed, raped, or turned into a paedophile.

"So when someone makes a film that is violent and funny it satirises their deepest fears and they...well they get very, very angry and upset.

"Plus, they are also just fucking stupid," he added.