New Tiger Woods Game to Include Frantic Affairs

Games developer EA Sports have announced that their new video game Tiger Woods PGA Tour 11 will not be focused solely on the international golf circuit but also in the bedrooms of thousands of women.

Ensure she doesn't find out!

The game will feature a section where after you have won one of the various beautifully rendered golf tournaments you will go home have a shower, seduce a woman and then shag her beautifully rendered brains out.

A spokesman for EA said, "We are trying to keep our series of games fresh and realistic. We'd done so much on the physics system in the last game that we worried as to where we could advance the next title. Fortunately, Tiger is a devious little bastard so we utilised his success off the golf course and made a game out of it."

Tasks within the game will include choosing which excuse to tell the wife when you leave to have an affair, choosing which CGI Barbie doll to woo (choices of chat up lines range from "Hi, I'm Tiger Woods," to "Hey, wanna see a game with shafts, balls and holes that's not golf?") and finally rapidly press Y to increase the pace of unbelievably dirty sex in one of ninety-eight positions until Tiger climaxes and shouts "I'm a filthy bastard!!"

"Whilst you're having one of many frivolous affairs," said EA games designer Paul Jackson, "there will be three meters, your enjoyment which must be kept high at all costs, her enjoyment which simply gets you bonus multipliers for keeping high and a conscience meter which must be kept low.

"Though that's pretty easy, if I'm honest," he added.

If you manage to last a long time whilst keeping a high amount of "Tiger pleasure" then you will get a "Tiger Toss Pot Bonus" and his eyes will turn red and his skin will transform to that of a tiger and basically he'll go mental on her.

Further mini-games are said to include using the American legal system and persuading the women so that the story does not get leaked. "It will be a fantastically realistic simulation of what life as the number one golfer in the world is like," said Jackson, "something I am sure fans of the series will appreciate."