The news came late last night when expert Paul Jackson realised that what had been the main host for
GNP = Gross Nagging Percentage
British moaning for the past two years had now disintegrated: "If this news had come in mid December we could have relied on the snow to tide the moaning over for a a fortnight or so, but now we have nothing!"I don't know what we will do," he added, "if the market doesn't do another dive, full blown, anarchistic social collapse could be just around the corner!"
Barry Clark, regular drinker at The Sneyd Arms and experienced moaner said, "I opened me newspaper and saw that we had come out of the recession. Well, to be honest I didn't know what to do. That's like a comedian being told that his main anecdote isn't funny any more.
"So I scrambled through the rest of the paper looking for something to moan about to the lads in the pub. But there was nothing, not a sodding thing! The Haiti rescue is over, Murray beat Nadal and Guy Ritchie made a half decent movie that's not glamorising east end gangsters!
"I think I better find me shotgun," he added.
Meanwhile, Mr. Jackson warns people to be ever vigilant: "Go out, buy tinned food, get ready. This is going to be like The Road but with more baby cannibalism.
"Then we'll have something to moan about!"
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