Conservative Political Broadcast to be in 3D

The Conservatives have stated that their party political broadcasts will be available in 3D for subscribers of Murdoch's Son's Rip-off Television, Ltd.

David Cameron, the leader of the Conservative party was the first to announce that his party's broadcast would be in 3D: "We feel it is time for change," he told PressPoke, "the British public are sick and tired of seeing the same boring, mundane two-dimensional party political broadcasts that Gordon Brown and his cronies crack out every four years.

Put on the specs, we dare you!

"That is why the Conservative party, the party of the future, is inviting the public into the future of television with our new 3D self-admiration!"

Naturally, to be able to view the broadcast in 3D one must have the correct facilities; a pair of special 3D glasses, a subscription to a monopolised television service and no gag reflex so as not to wretch when exposed to such a lifelike David Cameron.

When asked to expand on what we can look forward to in the 3D broadcast, Cameron had this to say: "Well I can't give too much away but I've been in talks with my cousin James, who is an expert on 3D and he's been giving me some tips.

"Firstly, he said that 3D only works when things are flying in your face or being pointed at you. So, the broadcast will open with my head - in 3D - flying at you whilst rotating three hundred and sixty degrees saying 'Need!' and then 'For! and then 'Chaaaaange!' - that one's really drawn out and the lens will zoom in on my mouth going 'Chaaaange!' which will give the impression to the 3D viewers that I've swallowed them.

"I'll then go and interview people and ask them about things such as Labour's NHS cuts and the nurse I'm interviewing will point her syringe at the camera, very close up. Then I'll ask an ex-sales administrator who is now a caretaker about job losses, and he will do the same with his broom.

"It will shed light on Conservative's plans for the future whilst making the viewer go 'Oooooo!'"

Rumours are rife that Labour has since heard about the Tories' plans and are making their own three-dimensional political broadcast.

Cameron insists that he is not phased by the news, "People are sick and tired of this country being run as if it's still stuck in the twentieth century," he said in a dismissive manner, "If Labour make a 3D broadcast, it'll be with those shitty red and green paper glasses. The British public deserve better!"