Kristen Stewart as Annoying in Real Life

A poll conducted across all 192 UN recognised countries that included absolutely everybody returned the results that 99.99% of people find Kristen Stewart as annoying in real life as she is in her movies.

The young actress has annoyed millions around the world, most famously with her starring role in the Sexually Frustrated Vampire Tossers series. However, due to the films' highly irritating nature many had simply laid this down to her portrayal of a character. It was only until people watched interviews with Stewart that they realised she was actually playing her own irksome self.

More annoying than Jehovah's witnesses.

Jake Lyndhall, the man who conducted the poll commented, "Obviously not everyone had seen Miss. Stewart in real life circumstances but she exposed herself as fundamentally irritating to a vast audience at the 82nd Academy Awards on Sunday night where she presented a homage to the horror - AHEM! - genre."

Psychologist Paul Jackson at the University of Stratton explained why so many find her so infuriating: "Well for a start, she's called 'Kristen'. Although, she set the real foundations by playing a right moany bitch in Sexually Frustrated Vampire Tossers. Then she built upon that with annoying little nuances and characteristics.

"Most notable of these are exhaling sharply, actively trying to look awkward, her incapacity to complete a sentence without clearing her throat in a highly exaggerated manner and the general decorum of constantly looking like she'd rather be rotting in hell than being where she is at the respective moment.

"This last trait especially annoys many when they think about what they have to do to earn the money she does in twelve minutes. Would you look that ridiculously pissed off if you got paid a banker's bailout sum to play pretend ghoolies?"

Barry Strongbeard from Lancashire said, "I were watching the BAFTAs where this little princess picked up best newcomer or something like that. Well, when she got up there I thought she'd shat herself she looked so awkward. It was only until I watched the crappy movies she's in and a few interviews on YouTube afterwards that I realised the boring little shite's always like that!

"I mean, why would you try and become an actress if you have the charisma of fish bowl?" he added.

The poll did not return a unanimous yes vote to the question "Does watching Kristen Stewart make you want to slap her...with a shovel?" because Stewart was one of the asked people herself.

In response she brushed her hair behind each ear five times and looked in either corner of her eye before commenting, "I...I..er...[sharp exhale]....I....I....I didn't know - AHEM! - I...didn't know people found me....that....that - AHEM! - annoying. I'm just....I'm just acting. I....[sharp exhale]....I... don't....I don't find myself annoying...so I...[sharp exhale and extending of lower jaw]...I vote 'no'."

She then winced and added, "AHEM!"