"Who's Viewing your Profile" Facebook App a Hoax

The popular social networking website Facebook, have announced that the twenty-thousandth application that you saw your friend try out which claims to allow users to see who is looking at their profile, amazingly doesn't do what it says it does.

No, she's not on your sodding profile!

The shock announcement fell on dumbfounded ears yesterday afternoon. Jake Lyndhall commented, "I couldn't believe the news when I heard it. These things are fake?! I thought an application that asked me to join a group first, invite all of my friends and then join a fan page before giving me priveleged access to the link www.hck.ur.comp.com to download it was completely genuine and honest.

"Well I would go and leave every one of those groups, I am so angry, but unfortunately now my computer's only function is to display a gigantic, hardcore pornographic picture with the title 'UV B1N FUCKED!!1 :D'"

Meanwhile, Jessica Pinter said, "I just thought none of them had worked because I'd missed one of my friends out of the invitation process. It after all does say you must invite all of your friends. I thought that was for the feature to work properly, never did I think that was a pitiful attempt to utilise ridiculously naïve people in order to reach as many targets as possible and infect them all with viruses."

Paul Jackson, a spokesman for Facebook said, "Do not underestimate these hoaxers. To many, it may seem like a futile attempt to lure people in because it is so blazingly obvious that it's a hoax. But there are many, many egocentric and narcissistic people out there who are so desperate to know how popular they are that they'll risk their computer's health and looking like a twat to find out."

One young gentleman, aged 14 from Suffolk, admitted to taking such a risk: "I one day plucked up the courage to say 'Hello,' in the chat box to Chelsea in year ten. She said 'ello darlin' back and I thought I might be in with a chance of losing my virginity. So I downloaded one of the profile viewer applications to see if she's as drastically obsessed with me as I am with her. Now I'm grounded because my mum thinks I looked at three hundred animal porn websites in one afternoon.

"I tried telling her it was a hacker who put them there but she said, 'Tell your nana Doris that who was trying to email her cousin in Australia.'"

Jackson also insists that those ridiculously annoying photo generators 'informing' you which top ten friends look at your profile the most are similarly "utter crocks of bullshit".

He issued a further warning directly to Facebook users: "There is no way to see who's on your profile, there never will be and that guy or girl who you've got a crush on doesn't give a shit about you.

"So just don't bother."