Katie Price Officially the "First Cyborg", say Experts

British supermodel Katie Price, also known as Jordan, has been declared the "first cyborg" by the Department of Robotic Object Implementation Division (DROID).

The announcement was made when William Jackson, the head of DROID saw her inhuman ability to grab a starfish out of a pit of wreathing maggots on ITV1's I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here!

"We'd always had our

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suspicions about Ms. Price as a qualified cyborg," said Jackson, "because the definition demands that the entity be half human and half artificial. Well as you know, she has more plastic parts in her than my Smart car so that made her the perfect candidate.

"However, it was the behavioural aspect that needed clarifying and I'm a Celeb on Saturday night provided precisely that clarification."

Assistant Project Manager at DROID Jake Lyndhall, has now trawled through hours and hours of I'm A Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here! Live. After coming round from the induced coma he had this to say: "In typical cyborg fashion she first of all imitated human behaviour by pretending to cry - but did you see a tear? Did you fuck!

"This façade was made even more obvious when she instantly switched off the waterworks. Even Colin McAllister noticed that and he's a fucking interior designer! Furthermore, he described her as 'Ironman' - coincidence? CO-incidence?! I think not!"

Price was voted by the public to retrieve a plastic starfish with her mouth from the bottom of a pool of viscous liquid, followed by a container filled with maggots. Her unwavering ability to do both has lead to Jackson's confirmation that she is in fact an android "like the ones you see in the movies, except she's useless and looks less natural."

However, other commentators have suggested that Jordan has an affinity for both sticky, white liquids and, from her marriage to Peter Andre small, pathetic, wriggly things in and around her mouth. Consequentially, they believe we should not be so quick to label her as a cyborg.

Carl Peterson from Croydon said, "I must have spent a total of eighteen hours in the past week sitting in front of my telly at 3AM rubbing my todger off to her. Are you trying to tell me that after all that, she's a fucking robot?!"

"Unfortunately for Mr. Peterson, that is in fact true," says Jackson, "her feedback loops told her that she picked up a husband on that show last time and now she has returned in true robotic style to hunt another.

"But the public has gone rogue against her forcing her to lots of nasty, dirty stuff over and over again. I can't think why. She may seem mentally unstable because of this but all she needs is a good old defragmenting."

A film is already in the works with Spielberg directing, called A.U. - Artificial Unintelligence. Megan Fox is set to play the central role and has to undergo seven hours of make up every day to make it look like she's had an industrial sized vat of acid chucked over her face.