The conversion has been commissioned and heavily funded by the government after the home office had been put under pressure on the issue of overpopulation in the lead up to the general election. A Labour spokesperson said, "Immigration has been proven to be beneficial to the country and our economy so we really don't want to stop letting people in. However, this would lead to vast overpopulation so we have decided that every day we will execute worthless cretins whose only care in life is money and getting on TV.
"And you get top notch entertainment. It's killing two birds with one stone, except one of them isn't a bird but an estranged spinster from Wolverhampton.
Yeah, you wait 'til the credits roll.
The logistics of the show itself will also undergo a revamp, the most notable being the addition of three new boxes which contain different forms of capital punishment. The show's producer explains: "These new boxes will be green and have a picture relating to their respective penalties. One will be an electric chair, another will be hanged, drawn and quartered, and finally death by stoning."But, even if they get the two-fifty thou we're gonna gas the fuckers anyway," he added.
Extra, non-lethal, punishment comes in the form of five million volts which will be passed through the subject's body if they cry, offer soppy advice or make a pathetic attempt at rhyming before the commercial break. This shock will last for exactly one second, however five seconds will be administered if they start laughing manically and breaking down because they think they've got their greasy hands on so much stinking money.
Once again Channel 4 promise than none will get away: "At the end of each show the contestant will get a call from the banker and Noel will pick it up and say, 'He says that you're fucked - and it's non-negotiable.'
"And at the end of the series we'll do Edmonds in as well."
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