Video Game causes Psychopath Epidemic

Millions of teenagers all over the Western world have begun manic killing sprees because they saw it in a video game.

Modern Warfare 2 which was released worldwide yesterday contains a level where the player massacres hundreds of innocent civilians in an airport. On completion, 98.3% of males aged

"Get me my rifle, Ma!"

between eight and nineteen went out and recreated what they saw with their dads' modified air rifle.

Timmy, aged fourteen from Worcester said, "I was getting A's at school, had a paper round and did bell ringing for my local Church. My brother then told me to play this new video game. I have now killed over three hundred men and women, eleven grannies and two babies."

He added: "I think it's because I don't know the difference between real life and computer generated pixels on a TV screen."

An opinion supported by experts - Professor Jackson, head of the Department of Social Studies and Gross Exaggerations from the University of Stratton said, "This was the obvious outcome from producing such a violent video game. It happened in the '80s when PacMan players refused to move anywhere without eating everything and anything in their path. That resulted in the American obesity problems that remains today. Now it's happened again but with much worse consequences."

"That video games influence real life behaviour is simply a hard fact, there's nothing more to it," said Mrs. Craghall, the mother of America's Most Wanted as of this morning. "It's not like books or films or other mediums. No, these kids think these games are actually happening. My son will not go anywhere unless he is constantly holding an M4A1 rifle right in front of his nose.

"He keeps shouting at me to check my corners and lobs a flashbang into the kitchen every morning before sitting down and eating his breakfast," she added.

The home office issued a statement which contained: "Demonising these computer game designers is completely justified. They need to think about the serious consequences their immensely entertaining products will have upon children who would otherwise be perfectly sane, unspoilt and angelic."

Meanwhile in Japan, the most popular video game KuzyaGoGo 5 has caused the whole nation to ride a smiling pig before farting yellow fairy dust and flying to the top of very high skyscrapers to molest a questionable girl in a revealing school uniform.